Monday, October 1, 2012

just to clarify...

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I'm so lucky that I got a second chance...
I grabbed it and I'm not letting it go.

When I put my heart out there the other day
and wrote about something I've carried around
with me for a long time...about
a relationship that I was in for all of my twenties.
Please know that it was never about
missing that person,
it was never about "him"...
{though I wish him well.}
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I could write a million blog posts about how thankful
I am to have had those ugly experiences though
because now I know how truly blessed and loved I am
by the good Lord above to have been
given the greatest gift ever...
my sweet loving husband.
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My husband is a blessing.
The other was a lesson.

I don't blame the other guy.
It was a two way street.
I regret that I knew better
but
 didn't believe enough in myself,
in my own self-worth, 
 to be true to myself.

I know my worth now
and for the lessons I learned
I am beyond grateful.

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I wasn't going to post that original story.
But then a girlfriend shared that
she is going through the same thing.
So I owned up to having been there, done that.
I saw relief in her eyes.
"So you're living proof I'll make it through this?"
Yes I told her...you are going to be ok.

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But later I thought how I can I hold myself out there
as living proof
of a happy life after divorce
if I carry this crap guilt with me?

So I'm going to do my best to accept the past
and live with kindsight...
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so that I can support a friend
as she embarks on the journey
that is her new life
and a glorious life it will be.

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