Monday, January 6, 2014

reboot

I started my early morning boot camp again today.
I joined it five years ago
after my youngest was born.
I did it for about four years straight
then started taking breaks from it
to do other things exercise wise.
I think you have to mix things up...
you know, confuse your body.
Anyway after the little debacle I'll call the flu
caused me to take about a six week break
back in October/November
{and then the food gluttony I'll call
Thanksgiving and Christmas}
I realized I needed a reboot.
Did I mention you have to get up
at 4:30am
for this class?
And that the teacher is from Wisconsin?
That little tid-bit would be important
because this morning in Houston
its 30 degrees outside.
Three.
Oh.
First thing we did in class today?
A 40 minute run.
Brrrr....baby its cold outside.
Oh.
My.
Goodness.
There were three new people today.
I felt bad for them...our teacher did not start easy.
It was ugly.
For them and for me. :)
But I'm glad I went
and I know
it will get easier with time.
I just have to keep going.
And I will because
I'm committed.
To me. :)
I keep thinking of the new people from today.
Knowing how hard it is to begin again.
I also keep thinking of a post I read recently
on a new-to-me favorite blog
One of the bloggers
{its a mother-daughter duo}
and I keep thinking of her
and the quest she's on.
Especially her goal # 4.
It reminds me of my own story in a way...
 
You know I like to run.
Well, really I don't like it.
But I like to eat.
So I run.
I only began running in the late '90s.
Sorry if you've already heard this
but here's a recap in case you haven't...
so a little over a decade ago
I was heavy.
Let me preface it by saying
I was in a very unhealthy relationship
at the time.
My confidence was super-low.
I didn't think I deserved better
and in part
that led me to have
a bad relationship with food.
Oh and I didn't exercise.
Not.
One.
Bit.
Anyway many things lined up in the universe.
I guess it was in about the space of a year.
The you-know-what hit the fan.
Long story short
it came to a point where I realized that
life is too short to settle.
You get one shot at this
and
damn it
you better make it good.
I looked around and decided
I needed, no, I wanted more.
Out of life.
Out of myself.
 
I changed everything.
I lost the extra weight.
I got healthy.
But more importantly -
I stopped settling.
For less than what I wanted or deserved.
And I stopped living in fear.
I wrote about it here but if you'll indulge me
I'm going to post it here again...
 
From my post "moving on" :
So I have this friend and she going through some "stuff".
{The same could be said for a lot of my friends...
heck it pretty much sums up all of us right?}
So this one friend in particular
got divorced recently
and she's in a state of flux.
She's already downsized -
sold her house,
packed up her belongings,
and is living with friends
while she contemplates what to do next.
She's debating about moving
to the other side of the country
to start over.
We talked for a long time yesterday -
about what was stopping her from going.
She's afraid.
This is what I told her...
 
Don't be afraid to fail. be afraid not to try.
 
Over a decade ago I was this friend.
Slightly different circumstances.
The who, what, when, why, and where
were different
but in a way
still the same.
And I was afraid.
Of everything.
Of what ifs...
you know the drill.
Of.
Every.
Little.
Thing.
 
We stood there yesterday
and I told her the true story
of how many moons ago
I realized I was fighting a losing battle
for something that wasn't real or true,
for a life that wasn't "me"
but that I was too hard-headed to admit to.
Out loud any way.
So on this particular day -
a Saturday way back when-
 I'll never forget it.
The universe led me
to be in a certain place
 at a certain time
where all was revealed.
Don't you hate it
when you're confronted with the truth
as it slaps you HARD into reality
 and you knew it all along
but
 NOW
 you have to
DEAL with it?
 
see the opportunities for what they are
 
I didn't know what to do.
I ended up racing to a friend's house that was nearby.
She found me sobbing on her front porch.
God love her.
This girl, this angel put on earth.
She brought me a pen and paper...
and not just any paper...
it was the most beautiful, delicate paper
with a delicate border
of orange and gold.
Buddhist holy paper she said.
Write down what you want.
In life, in a mate, in whatever.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"Write it down" she said.
And so I did.
I cried and I wrote.
Oh how ugly
"the ugly cry" is, right?
I went home that day
with a beautiful list
for a beautiful life.
I put it in my Bible.
Its still there to this day...
 the sacred secrets of my heart.
I decided that day
to let go and let God.
No more living in fear.
Of who, what, where, and with who.
Of anything and everything.
I was enough and I would be ok.
I'm thankful
 I didn't let fear
allow me to stay
in a place I didn't belong.
 
I don't know what you believe.
This may all be too hokey for you and that's ok.
I guess what I'm trying to say
through this long post
is not to let fear stop you.
From anything.
 
make a mistake
 
As much as I don't want my friend to move
I think she should.
I told her
she was standing on a cliff
 and she should just jump.
Just go for it.
You are all you need.
{you know what I mean...I think}
 
What about you?
Is there anything you want to do but you're afraid?
Rethink it
and ask yourself
one of my favorite quotes:

"What would you do if you KNEW you wouldn't fail?"
 
 
There's a great song that I mention in that post.
One that still on my ipod
and if I hear it
it will instantly take me back in time
and inevitably,
even though I have moved on
and I am not that girl any more,
I will cry.
Every.
Single.
Time.
Because this song describes
that part of my life to the core.
You can see the video for I'm Moving On here. 
 Just in case you want to or need to move on.
By the way...
my friend that I wrote about in "moving on"
she jumped.
And she's thriving, living her dream!
And me?
Well if you could read that precious list in my Bible
you'd know that it came true.
Every.
Single.
Line.
Don't be afraid to dream big.
And even when you get sidetracked
by this thing called life
its never too late to reboot.
Remember that.

 
 
 
 
 
 


6 comments :

  1. Nancy... what an inspirational post and so appropriate for the first week of January! Hope you ran a mile for me this am!! Have a great week.

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    Replies
    1. thanks for your sweet comment Katie. hope you're staying warm up there! :)

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  2. Hey the last time I tripped over a concrete parking barrier...I was pregnant. So? Is your balance off center? Hmm?

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    1. I wish I could blame my clumsiness on being pregnant :) It would explain my recent weight gain too :) but alas...I am not :)

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  3. That last comment was for your "I Fell Again" post...anyway this was a beautiful post. I feel like I am challenged living in a new city and sort of starting over...but I have my man and puppy and health and faith...probably not in that order. You inspire me to conquer my fears!!!

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  4. This post took my breath away and took me a few days to respond. I love knowing your story and how real you are telling it to us all. Thank you so much for your support and we will repay the favor! I hope this is a fantastic year for you and thank you for inspiring me as well. I have recently "fallen" this past year with selling my previous business of 23 years, digging out financially, losing a family beach house, a family member pet horse, my husbands failing health...just so much going on. Really I try not to dwell on it, just try my best at another year, making the best of it. Wishing you a GREAT year ahead and putting yourself first! xo Nancy

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