Tuesday, August 16, 2011

round and round

My heart hurts.
in fact its hurt for a while now.
and it seems so very silly.
and very hard to explain.
i feel like i want "more"
but i dont know exactly of what.
something has to be missing.
why can i just be happy with what i have?
that's what i'm always preaching to my kids.
why do i hunt for the perfect thing for the house?
for another craft project to put on my never ending list?
for another blog where i might learn something like another craft to do?
does it ever end?
what a time waster.
an unending circle.
round and round we go.

every day i pray.
before my feet hit the floor i'm praying.
for my family, for my kids, my husband.
 i pray that I learn to put God first,
my husband and kids second,
and "to put my wants and needs last."
but is that right?
will I wake up one day and be bitter?

I know I am blessed beyond measure.
I am thankful for all God has given me
AND for everything he has not given me.
I know this. But something isnt quite right.
I know part of my funk is due to a medical reason...
abnormal test results that we're sorting out.
All the labs have been drawn,
an MRI done,
now just a waiting game.
One specialist put me at ease and relieved alot of my worry
when he told me he doubts anything dire
due to my otherwise good health and my age.
God love him.
Yep 40 is the new young at least in his book.
 I'll take what I can get at this point.

Enough with the pity party.
Life's too short.

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