Wednesday, December 23, 2015

all i need

Like a lot of you
I've been prepping for Christmas.
Amazon has been my go to for gifts this year.
They should have some sort of special club
for those of us who use amazon
like it was a shop around the corner or
the seven eleven back in the day.
I'm pretty sure they're losing money on people like me
even with their prime membership dues
with all the packages that have been arriving. me.

I've got some cool club ideas.
I think so any way ;)
I also spent the past month updating our guest room.
Yes, again.
My parents told me last year around this time
that they'd love to come out and spend Christmas with us.
We bought their tickets back during the summer
and started buying medical supplies my dad would need
to help him around the house.
I also took their visit as an excuse a chance to update their bedroom here.
I ordered new comfy club chairs so that they'd have a place
to sit and enjoy their morning coffee
using the new Keurig machine I bought for their room
so that they wouldn't have to walk downstairs to get coffee.
Every thing was looking sharp if I do say so myself.
As a matter of fact I'd just picked up said Keurig from Target
and had put it together with a huge tray of coffee supplies
when the phone rang last Wednesday.
It was my Dad calling to tell me that they wouldn't be making the trip.
Disappointed doesn't begin to cover it.
As a matter of fact I'll admit that I was pretty mad.
I called my sisters, yelling about how much money we'd spent
between airfare and furniture and shower chairs, etc...
the list was long.
I spent two days vacillating between anger and tears.
Tears because, well, he's my dad
and, as I'd been reminding my kids,
it would probably be the last time he would make the trip out here
so they needed to spend as much time with him as they could
and ask him loads of questions about his life and growing up.
Because if I ask he'll say he doesn't remember
but for littles he'll try to think back best he can and tell stories :)

My sisters and I all agreed that the excuse he used didn't make sense.
I guess and I assume, that in the end he let his fear of flying stop him.
He's flown before, many times, but this would have been
his first trip with his artificial leg.
I assured him that I would have a wheelchair for him
from start to finish through both airports.
All he'd have to do was sit and ride.
I don't know.
I will say that I think I'm a lot like my dad.
Except he's not a talker.
He's very much an introvert
and now in his old age
he's definitely stuck in his ways,
he likes routine,
he loves being at home.
I'm sure if my sister, one of them,
would volunteer to drive them out here
that he'd be the first one in the car.
It has to be the flying.
At least that's my theory,
and that's the one I'm sticking to.
I'm shaking my head but I'm sticking to it.

I saw this on pinterest last week
and it snapped me back to reality,
out of my "all about me" doldrums...

I'll miss my parents but I have all I need.
I really do.
Its the end of the year and I'm sure like some of you
I'm in a very reflective mood.
I see people I love trying to navigate their first Christmas
without people very dear to them.
One their wife and mother, the other their daughter.
I'm sad that my parents let something,
stand in their way of spending Christmas with us here.
But that's their choice.
And its my choice on whether to choose anger or sadness.
There's enough of that in this world already.
I'm choosing compassion.

I'm sure growing up they spent money on things I didn't use.
I'm sure I disappointed them too many times to count over the years.
All these things I'm feeling towards them,
I'm trying to remind myself that I probably did the same thing to them,
in some form or fashion.
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.
Gosh, so far from it.
They're not perfect but who is?
I'm still learning from them
even though I haven't even lived near them
for a decade and a half.
I'm thankful that I started learning in my early forties
not to let fear stand in my way.
I wish I could teach that to my dad.
I tried but he won't listen.
That's one gift I'm hoping all my crazy antics
like running races and triathlons
are teaching my kids...
to do the unthinkable at any age,
especially if an internal voice whispers "you can't."
Don't let that joker win.
Instead of disappointment in this situation
I'm going to try,
try being the operative word,
to look at it as a reinforcement
of being fearless.
Even when you're scared,
even when it sucks,
just do it.
At least give it a try.
Life is short.
No one is promised tomorrow.
When you let fear win, you miss out on life.
I wish he could overcome his fears.
I love him in spite of the fact that he can't.

My kids are healthy and happy,
so are myself and my husband.
I could not ask for more.

If you celebrate Christmas
I hope that you have a lovely day
surrounded by those you love.


  1. Well said Nancy. Merry Christmas friend!!

  2. I'm sorry to hear of your disappointment, Nancy. I know you'll find the joy in Christmas even though your parents won't be with you. Hugs and Merry Christmas to you!

  3. Hi, Nancy -- sorry about your plans having to change. Yuck, but you are rising above the disappointment. Proud of you and thanks for sharing -- courageous work!

  4. Merry Christmas. Even if you don't have your parents with you in person, you still have them with you on earth and in the eyes of your children. Thanks for your wisdom. Merry Christmas, Nancy!


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