Friday, January 22, 2016

current state of mind

Not sure if I told you this before
but my husband and I -
we're big nerds.
So much so that every year end
we write down goals for the new year.
We may not make the deadline exactly
but slowly but surely we get stuff done.
Except this year we only talked about a list.
As in we need to write our list.
But honestly I think my husband said it all
when he declared to the kids and I
that this year,
was going to be all about thankfulness.

Goal list or no
I'm getting stuff done.
I am doing a version of pre-cleaning for my annual
"30 bags in 30 days" decluttering project during Lent.
I couldn't wait.
Too much stuff is a good problem I know
but when it makes you anxious
that's a sign to grab a bag and go to town.
In years past I've moved things to my husbands side of the closet
along with a little tag that says "emotional attachment."
Well I don't know what's gotten into me
but I'm letting go.
I even donated my wedding dress.
I know.
Take a moment.
It was huge.
For me anyway.
But here's two things that made it easy for me.
One...the lady I donated it to has a program
where she makes burial gowns for infants who die.
As a twin mom who had NICU babies this program touched my heart.
There was no question when I saw the plea for dresses.
It was a done deal.
But I also was blessed enough to have my peep Rena
help me cut some material strategically at the bottom of the dress
so that my boys future spouses can hopefully use it somehow
on their wedding day as their "something old"
maybe wrapped around their bridal bouquet.
Its safe to say the other emotionally attached items
are on their way to new homes too.
Slowly but surely
I want to let go of things I don't absolutely love.
I'll get there.
I know I will.

After many years of wanting to volunteer for something
{yes, it was on the list for years}
I finally made the leap and signed up
for a literacy program to help kids
within our local school district
improve their reading skills.
I was matched with a student yesterday and I'm beyond excited.
I hope I help to spread the love of reading that our family holds so dear.
I didn't realize but a child who is read to regularly at home
before the age of five hears five million more words
than a child who is not read to.
Staggering statistic isn't it?
Not only am I a volunteer teacher of sorts but I've also become a student.
I'm taking a class taught by, wait for it, a fellow Texan, yes, its her...
Which happened on a whim
but then again
I know the universe brought me to it.
But more on that another day
other than to say
its hard and its kicking my butt
and its brave and its brilliant
and I'm proud of myself for doing it.
I said it.
I'm proud of myself.
Because as I noted in one of my answers to a required question
taking this class to me is like emotional nudity.
And I'm scared but I'm determined to be open and I'm learning.
Its blowing air on some flames in my heart
that I've let stay unnourished for some time.
I want to be done with procrastinating,
done with saying yes to things when i truly mean no,
and saying yes when my secret self is saying no but out of fear.
Like now its saying no don't share they'll think you're nuts.
I don't know,
maybe I should've waited to bring this up
but again
no time like the present ;)
Life is short and its not gonna wait on any of us.
The time to do stuff is now.
Let's get 'er done.


  1. You should be VERY proud of yourself. What a lovely idea to do with wedding gowns. Can't wait to hear more about your class with Brene Brown. Are you doing it on line or does she teach in Houston? Hope you have a nice weekend in sunny Texas. We are getting snow. yuck!

    1. hope all is well with you and no more ice dams or anything crazy because of the storms. she does teach in Houston and what's so funny is that I was looking into that direction and then literally stumbled upon an online class she does, this one is a semester long. its awesome and so far no bad dreams of me waking up on finals day having not gone to class one single day! ever have that nightmare?

  2. Ok girlfriend, this is what I love about you most!! Raw, honest, real, and downright funny at times. I love the idea of donating your wedding dress for that purpose. I still have mine, it was never properly cleaned and stored, so it has a huge stain on the front toward the bottom. I have hung onto it for now, but have let go of a lot of things. We spent the few weeks after Christmas purging our basement and it felt so good. Sent many bags/boxes to Goodwill and need to call and have the junk picked up. On to our closet next as it is one of the few spots that we haven't gotten to in awhile. I am at that point in my life where less is definitely more!! Hope you have a great weekend.

    1. dang Lauren. you always bring me to tears with your sweet comments. hope you had a great weekend! i'm hoping to get rid of so much stuff this spring...less is definitely more :)


  3. Replies
    1. hey Mary Ann! you make me smile ;) hope you're doing well.


  4. Another amazing , inspiring post.
    I am inspired.

    Thank you!


    1. Hey Laura! you're so sweet. I appreciate you reading...I truly do. I just followed you on Instagram and am adding you to my blog roll! sorry its taken me so long to do that!

  5. Beyond jealous that you are taking a Brene Brown class!!!! You SHOULD be proud of yourself and everything you do! And BTW, my husband and I are also nerds...and we are raising little nerds.....and I love it! xo

    1. Hey Christine! you're so funny. i'm trying my best...I think sometimes, in some parts of ourselves, we just forget our own strength.

      ps...I tried to leave a comment on your blog today but cant get it to work. not sure what i'm doing wrong but i'll keep trying so if you get like 100 of the same one I apologize in advance ;)

  6. I discovered you through Katie and I am so happy that I did! I love this post, it is honest and I love that. I cannot wait to hear more about the class, as I have read her first book and get her newsletters.

    1. Hi Elizabeth! Thanks for coming over from Katie's fantastic blog and for your sweet words. I've been working on a post about the class for a week and hope to have it up very soon. Its a doozy!

  7. A tragedy occurred in my family during the holidays that shook my world. I have done alot of self examination of me and my life. It is something I cannot fix. It happened and I need to move on, but I am going to move differently from now on. I am not the same person I was six weeks ago. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I hope it will make me kinder, more emphatic and help someone. (Maxine in NC).

    1. Hi Maxine,
      I read about your infant granddaughter's passing through your IG posts. I am so very sorry Maxine and have been thinking of you and your family since I saw the news in December. I know exactly what you mean when you say you are not the same person. {{{hugs}}}} We experienced loss in our family last year and your words ring so true to my heart. That's the only thing we can do, is to learn from loss and to spread love in the world. Peace and blessings to you Maxine.

  8. I've been working on organization in my house and giving away lots of things. Love the idea of donating your wedding gown for such a wonderful cause, and I can't wait to hear all about your class - it sounds amazing!! Happy Sunday ~

    1. high five to you on cleaning up and cleaning out. i'm hoping to conquer the chaos of my closet this week. but hoping to post about the class this week too ;) thanks for reading.


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